i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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