My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
