I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
