I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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