Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you win again, gameday.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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