Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You need Xanax blowdarts
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
