how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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