My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
