The maid of honor just puked.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
