The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Everyone says I win the strip club
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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