My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize