i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
