Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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