I want to make a zoo with you.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
