Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
