So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
