I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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