I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
