his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
