I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
