Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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