after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
