i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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