she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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