My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
