Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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