Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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