He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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