The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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