I can tuck mytits in my pants
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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