"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
