i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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