Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
