the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
