remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
bring money and cleavage
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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