never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize