my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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