I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
