Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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