I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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