It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize