my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
