who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
