my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
