Your mouth is God's brothel.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
