So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
