So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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