Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Randomize
