I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
