return my video game
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
We need to get me chipped asap
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
