Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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