Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Is it because I queefed?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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