If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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