i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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