i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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