She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
