do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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