if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
