I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
