So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
