did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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