My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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