Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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