Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
