Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Randomize
