Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize