i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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