ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I am available for nakedness
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
