just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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