I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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