A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
